This morning Shana Halligan paid me a visit. I sat down with my first coffee of the day and busied myself with the larger and smaller problems that one engages with early in the morning, while she floated through my apartment, telling me about the things that were on her mind. Probably problems of breakups. I guess. And by the way how I am doing and whether I can relate to situations when…
Relaxed as she was she told me about how she told her ex to hit the road. How it feels for a woman when she finds herself being on her own all of a sudden. When she discovers a freedom she probably never wanted this way. And how it is like when somebody is no longer at your side who you perhaps don’t want to not being there, if only he… and so on.
Having our second coffee we talked about how is feels for her to be on her own, but at the same time to be longing for someone but still being alone. Shouldn’t there be another attempt to fix things? Could there possibly be another chance…? What a freak this guy is and how impossible at times. I am wondering if she really wanted to break away from him. I know things like these myself – been there, done that: One moment everything is just perfect and the next you are a single. Not just because she wants to separate or break free, but rather because she wants you to change something about you or the way you are or what you do… Women. If only they could tell what they really want for once…
And so we are sitting together, talking, letting our minds and thoughts drift around freely. Again and again I remember my own experiences. Yes, I have already experienced what Shana is telling me about. From both perspectives. I actually do understand her hints and implications, her indecisiveness and uncertainty. Without going too much into detail, she is pouring me her heart out and I can see parallels, understand some things, some even for the first time ever.
She is sharing her emotional chaos with me. Not imposing herself, but simply telling how it is. No whining. Rather how you would talk to someone when you probably just want to talk things off of your heart, wishing for a helpful idea or thought, not advice. A clever nudge in one direction or another. Very emotional and yes, very feminine. Just like women are deep inside themselves. About an hour later she is gone, leaving me sitting here with the feeling that I have just been a valuable listener for someone in need.
Now I am sitting here with an understanding smile on my face, thinking back to all of the happenings, small and large, that occurred during my own history of relationships. I never expected that an album, least one of Shana Halligan, could possibly make me think back to my own breakups with a feeling of knowing and understanding, finally realising: I am over it. Today I can say with the serenity and the distance of the years: “Yes, I know how it is in times like these. But it still was a great time… I’m wondering if she is doing well?”
Shana Halligan – Back to Me will be released on Dec.04.2015 via Plug Research / Modulor (Groove Attack)